Hey, it's not all about being a widow all of the time. Sometimes, we just have to spread our wings.
http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/live-gong-show-gives-break-to-yodeling-goat-milkers-and-other-quirky-talents/19684319
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I love the look! You should try wearing it to the supermarket, maybe someone will take pity on you and buy you a loaf of bread.
Why is it some days you just wake up and all of a sudden your sunny disposition of yesterday has tanked, your back to thinking about your lost spouse, all the details of how his illness went and subsequent death? You get rid of all those voices in your head reminding you of how awful life is, you hate being alone ect.ect?? Is it the holiday blues coming again? You want to just curl up in that little ball, go back to sleep and never get out of bed again. Nice thought but what about those four legged critters who depend on you for nourishment? They won't go away and allow you to wallow in your own self pity. I am always amazed at how I can be on top of things, life going along just fine for awhile, then wham those lonelies set in, the thoughts that make us all teary and a bit crazy too come back, and I am back to the place I was almost 4 years ago when my hubby died. Holidays are now just a hard period of time to get through. The joy of them is gone. I seem to pick myself up after they are over and recouperate yet once again. I keep waiting for the caring part of me in my life to return. When does that happen? I go through the motions of everyday life, trying to get excited or passionate about something, but it is as if some part of me has died? I loved showing my miniature horses, the babies that would be born in the spring, but that has gone south too. I no longer breed my horses, economy has seen to that. nor take any great pleasure in showing my horses. I do continue to do it, habit I guess, but if someone else wants to take my horse out and show it I am all for it.Never in the past would that have happend. No one else showed my kids. What has happened to the real me? Will she ever return again? What is Normal? Does one ever return to a Normal feeling? I am just a bit frustrated with how I am right now. Lonely, depressed,and very unenthusiastic about much of anything. Life seems to be passing me by, I really don't want it to, or want to feel this way but how to get to that normal place again? I went from my mom and dads to being married. Raised my three children and then it was supposed to be our time to finally be alone and do those things we never had time for before when the kids were growing up. We were supposed to be in our walkers having hallway races when the time came enjoying those golden years together not me alone. I could visualize it in my minds eye. Me in my wheel chair access pony cart and him in his wheelchair cheering me on at the shows on the sidelines! What the heck happened. And now what? I think I am stuck in time, not able to yet go forward? Why is that. It has been almost 4 years! I tell myself get on with it girl. Move on. But here is am still treading water in one place. The joys and things that made me happy now certainly bring a smile to my face, but not much else.
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